But we never go out any more!!!

Life is not easy for the loved ones of the chronically ill.

There was a big hoo-ha recently in endometriosis circles when someone dared publish an article on what endometriosis does to the sex lives of men.  It is not much of a spoiler to say …. bad stuff happens … very bad stuff happens.

On the surface it felt like a legitimate complaint.

But this thing is complex.

My partner said recently “we NEVER go out anymore”.

My natural response was a spot of mildy unhinged outrage.  WHAT? WHAT? A life without going out eh? Hell – what about my f***ing life? What about that? Huh? Huh? Huh?

Uncharacteristically I behaved with much more decorum than my small rant might indicate.

After the storm and some quiet reflection; I began to think, maybe he had a valid point.

If I was healthy (which feels a bit like saying “if I had wings”), why the hell would I not have a total right to be traumatized about my partners health destroying my social life, or even my sex life, what about my finances?

Our ‘partners in chronic illness’ have challenges that are difficult for us living with said chronic illness to understand.

They have to get used to tip toeing around.

Sometimes literally and others metaphorically: heaven  alone knows which is harder.

On really bad days they get to do both!

They have to deal with a life of needing  to be on call, on toes, on alert.  Canceling engagements left right and centre.  Having to decide if going out alone would be selfish, or enjoyable, or even just maybe a small sort of temporary relief.

Yes. Sure. This might pale in comparison to what we are living with, or does it? Many of the things missing from life match.

And is it really appropriate to say to someone that just lost a leg, “well just be thankful you never lost two”.

Although I ‘penned’ this a while ago, this evening seemed like the right moment to get it up as I sit blanked over knees at home – having left my partners farewell at  work party exactly two minutes before it began.  I wish I could be there to shout, I got so close, I worked so hard, I got to the actual door.



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